Feb. 25, 2006

Hi there everyone.
My aversion to things electronic is ebbing, so I thought it's time I actually wrote something on my own blog. Not sure where to start since Jaci has been doing such a thorough and excellent job with this. I guess I'll just ramble and ask you to excuse possible lapses of organization or flow.
Yesterday, I had my favorite two procedures, a bone marrow biopsy and a lumbar puncture. Gripping the hands of Jaci and Erin, the first went very well- completely tolerable pain and I even got to see the bloody apple-core looking biopsy that they took out. Cool! The lumbar puncture had been messing with my mind because past effort were difficult, lengthy and caused surprising sensations due to sensitive nerves in the area. I'm not sure if it's because it was my fifth one or because of the beautiful sedative they gave me, but yesterday's went off without a hitch.
Let's see, not much else to complain about. My hair is definitely falling out, not so much that you can really tell by looking at me, but more by looking at my sheets, pjs, and pillows. I hope that I am not in denial but am in fact a decent enough human being to realize that losing one's hair just really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Since I will be doing chemo and radiation for quite some time, even after I leave the hospital, I'm not sure how long I will sport the Sinaed look. I am having trouble deciding whether I want to wear a consistent wig so as not to be so "look-at-me!" or if I should be just me, a girl without hair, for a while. Silly considerations all.
The more important consideration right now is still my white blood cell count. When I get up to around 500 healthy white blood neutrophil cells, I can actually leave the hospital and continue my treatment on an outpatient basis. Right now, I'm not even close. However, things look good for an early dismissal. The doctors won't promise anything, but I could be released as early as day 21 instead of spending the entire 29 days here.
Not that days here are so bad. I literally spend 99% of my time in bed, but am suprirsingly ok with that. There really is no where else I can or want to be. To get up takes great energy and to leave the room I have to transform into Bubble Boy even just to traverse this already air-controlled floor. I wear special socks that go up my legs to prevent clots from laying/sitting all day and have added a thin air mattress to my hospital bed making the comfort situation no problem. I would definitely have thought I'd be more bored but thanks to constant visitors (Yumi just arrived from Hawaii yesterday!), a steady stream of nurses and doctors, more loaned pirated movies than one can find on a Beijing street corner, and mostly due to a much more placid/slow/fatigued state of mind, I would rarely consider myself bored. Plus, I get this wonderful highlight every evening- mail delivery! Bad news travels fast I guess (in a good way?) because I have heard from people that I haven't talked to in ages. It's just wonderful and lifts my spirits immensely.
I'm a little nervous because tomorrow, Jaci leaves for L.A. for a few days. I know everything will be fine, but that girl knows where everything is in this room, what time I need what, who's coming when, and juggles it all with panache and grace. It'll be good for me to accelerate my independence a notch though. AND, through undoubtedly selfless and difficult maneuvers, Bess is coming to fill the slack. I know that she has work obligations that she is somehow sacrificing and balancing and I am amazed and so grateful!
Speaking of selfless and suprising acts of complete kindness, my friend Erin Moneymaker is driving out Jaci's moving truck with her Honda in tow and puppy in shotgun next week. It reduces our moving costs and, most importantly, gets furniture here in time for my release from the hospital. I can't believe she was able to make it work with her flight instruction schedule and is happily looking forward to the 44-hour jaunt cross-country. How does one repay one's friends for such things someday? My joy is that I will have my lifetime to do so for each of you.
So, Jaci has found us a nice townhouse on the Brighton/Brookline border here in Boston. It's neither too far from the hospital nor from Fletcher when I'm ready to start taking classes again. It sounds great- two bedrooms, working fireplace, nice kitchen, washer/dryer, parking space. Since I will be spending an inordinate amount of time at home in the next few months, I am relieved that it seems we will be living in a nice place. Not to mention it will serve as a cozy guesthouse for anyone/everyone who wants to come visit!
On an end note, it's snowing here. In my temperature controlled room, all I get is the joy of watching the flurries over the naked tree boughs without experiencing the chill or the wet. Let it snow.