Tuesday, December 19, 2006
oh baby! i would like to enthusiastically report that asparaginase is the devil and now that i no longer take said drug, i feel better than i've felt in months. i have gained 15 lbs, i can walk/cook/shop/drive, and the fog of confusion/depression/pain has gone from 1970s-L.A.-smog to (what I imagine) the air in the rocky mtns to feel like. i am so happy.
so, i have moved from "intensification" to "maintenance", which is another year and a half of chemo, but if i continue to feel as good as i have the past few weeks, i hope to be a lot more active in the next 15 months. for starters, i'm headed to mexico. anyone want to come? truly, a troop of us are going to cancun in mid-january to relax and flee from the cold. flights are dirt cheap-- less than if you have been considering flying out to visit Boston...
i feel guilty going to mexico. like it is super extravagant and i should still be in bed recovering. but then i think, f--- that. i'm really not me if i'm not traveling and exploring. i haven't been me for a year now and i'm ready to start doing some adventuring! yipee!
the other crazy change in me is in future outlook. in that, i have one. not to sound over dramatic, but it has been hard to even consider what i would do post-cancer. cognitively, i could sort-of accept that i wouldn't always feel so weak and crappy, but maybe i didn't really believe it. thinking about the future was somehow depressing, but lately, my perspective has shifted. now it seems like there is no shortage of good options. i'm trying to decide whether or not to take a course or two at Fletcher, whether to move back to the Bay Area, or perhaps whether to travel to China, buy all the cute clothes I can find, and open a boutique somewhere I'd love to live like San Diego or New Mexico! and this is all just thinking about "short-run" plans.
posted by Erica at 12:15 AM