May 10, 2006

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and ideas. They really make a difference.
Yesterday was Day 1 again, meaning loads of chemo and other chemo-side-effect-alleviating drugs too. I know medicine has come miles and miles in its treatment of leukemia and that just years ago I probably wouldn't have survived, but I bet someday, future peoples will look back and marvel that we actually made patients endure chemo-therapy torture. It's so crazy and difficult for someone who more-or-less did "everything right"- excercise, healthy food, etc- to inject enormous amounts of poison into her body on purpose. There will be other ways.

I was pretty terrified because I felt awful during week 1 last cycle. Thankfully, I believe I can attribute that misery mostly to the residual side efffects of the radiation. I actually had a nice weekend and despite the long day at the hospital (my hermatocrit levels were very low so I had to spend considerable time receiving bags of red blood cells), had a good day yesterday too. I have been enjoying considerable time with Fletcher friends since most of them are off to their summer travels and travails very soon and am so grateful that I have the energy to do that.

Unfortunately, I have decided not to do a summer school class at Fletcher. I have been debating it for a while, but have to recognize that I am just not ready for the intense reading, the 3-hour classes, the stress, etc. It's hard to admit, but I fear that starting and failing would be a hundred times more disappointing. Jaci's taking a Mandarin class for her own personal growth, so I'm considering taking maybe painting or something. There is also a Tai Chi center not too far which I'm sure my body and mind could benefit from. This disease is sure making me have to slow down in life, in rushing toward a career and that sort of happiness I thought was all-important. It's a tough mental transition, but in desperately searching for meaning in this disaster, it's probably a good lesson. (not totally convinced)

On Monday, my doc reluctantly gave me the OK on eating sushi (only this week when my levels are all good and boosted, he conceded) since he doesn't want me to get any funky germs from uncooked foods. I am so excited and Jaci and I plan to hit up some sashimi today. Almost four months without sushi?? Now, THAT's tough.

One other thing- to my Oxy friends: who's planning on going to the reunion? I received all the paraphenalia yesterday and really want to come, but of course don't want to make the trip if you guys aren't going. Let's do it! (maybe not stay in Stewie, but...) I figure I can make anyone feel better about what they're up to these days.... =)