Labor Day Q: What do I DO all day?

There are two questions I get quite frequently. The first reflects people's perceptions that I'm done now with this Cancerpalooza (um, no.): So, what are you going to do now? Like I just won the lottery or the Heisman. Well, I'm not going to Disneyland.

Other than knowing that for fact, I'm not exactly sure what I'm "going to do". I was entertaining the idea of heading back to Fletcher to finish off my masters in January, but I actually think that's too soon. Four months from now feels just a little soon to pack up and move to a wintry Boston. (Actually right now, as I sit in front of my neighbor's A/C unit like I'm auditioning for a Sierra Mist commercial, the snow sounds pretty awesome.) Other than postponing school, I'm not really sure what I'm going to do "now" or as my physical, mental, and psychological state comes back to a variant state of normal. Mostly, I think I'm trying to let things just flow, trying to subdue my innate anxiety about not planning and full-on pursuing "the next step", and just rest. As my doctor said today, I need to realize it's a long healing process.

[Note on today's Clinic Visit: Doc says the mouth looks a lot better, but symptoms continue in their unpredictable and inconsistent way, so up the steroids go. Some liver enzyme level is high enough to reinforce the decision to up my steroids again, since GVHD is frequently manifest in the liver. He said if my eyes get yellow, that's jaundice. Sounds gorgeous. Other than that, counts look good.]

Ok, so Question #2, which I feel only slightly better able to answer is: What do you DO all day long? I used to giggle and shrug, finding my daily schedule embarrassingly unproductive, mundane, and difficult to quantify or explain. But then, I really started to think about it and I realize that I'm up to some cool-ass shit! Check it out.

I'm co-producing a documentary. I'm writing a paper about Chinese media censorship. I keep in touch as best I can; you know how much time e-mail absorbs! I am, albeit slowly, starting to apply for gainful employment. I work to provide my counsel with whatever discovery information they request. I'm working on finding an agent with whom to possibly publish a book. I'm exercising every day, including yoga, aikido (well, I will start classes in a couple weeks- eek!), tai chi and walking. [My Bay Area posse: we keep talking about tennis! Let's go make silly fools of ourselves on the court sooooooon.] I cook a lot. I do big organization projects in our apartment. And, I manage my often-confusing schedule of health-related appointments and medications. Then, I also make myself relax and read or relax and watch Heroes or relax and watch CNN or relax and meditate.

This all takes time, people! Plus, is my 2000-piece puzzle going to put itself together?? hmm??

I have these To-Do-Lists that never seem to get done, but yet couldn't really explain what I do all day. It is very hodge-podge and I'm constantly distracted from one thing to another, but I rarely feel bored.

So, when next you wonder what this unemployed sick girl does with her days, now you know. And with this writing exercise, I finally do too.