surprises

Erin popped in for breakfast last week, just in time for my usual bacony meal. What a joy to see her smiling face unexpectedly! I am so proud of her; she is officially a pilot now for Mesa Airlines and kicking some major butt. She has worked so hard and sacrificed so much for this; she is an inspiration.

Another not so happy surprise is my swiss-cheese brain. I mourned when I was informed that my central nervous nervous system radiation might cause slight brain damage, but really didn't notice anything of that sort until recently. My medical team says that it is caused by the chemo and that it should go away, but, as anyone who has ever blacked out before can atest, it is a distinctly disconcerting and frightening experience. There are periods of hours that are completely lost; things I've mailed off and have no recollection; movies that I can't guarantee if I've seen them recently or not. Although everyone around me is understanding (although somewhat startled), it is embarassing and scary.

As for other health issues, my counts are as my doctors expect- low enough to be fighting lingering leukemic cells, but high enough that I'm not in too much danger for pneumonia, blood clots, exhaustion, pancreatis, or other fun infections.

My spirits aren't too bad lately either; not sure to what I can atest that. Mostly the love of those around me- both strangers and friends/family. I am super happy that my Fletcher friends are back in Boston now too. Although it is saddening to watch them embark on their second semester while I languish behind academically/career-wise. However, I did stumble across a quote that might apply to me and how I am changing through this experience:

I am done with great things and big plans, great institutions and big success. I am for those tiny, invisible loving human forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, which, if given time, will rend the hardest monuments of pride. -William James (1842-1910)

Right now, I'm in Atlanta enjoying a restful weekend with Luke and his parents. It is many degrees warmer here than in Boston, so I'm trying to soak up a few more rays of sun before summer officially vanishes.