Tuesday, April 24, 2007

and none the wiser

unbelievable. i don't mean to toot my own horn, but i can handle some tough shit. right now, i feel that fun "just got thrown into a sack and punched repeatedly" feeling where all my muscles hurt, even ones you don't realize you have like on the sides of your cheeks, the front of your neck, and under your armpits. it's one of my favorite chemo joys, referred to and explained away as "coming off your steroids". this sucks, but it pales with what i'm about to tell you.

i actually have something different to complain about, something more sinister and long-lasting. something that crept up on me and has assaulted my sense of who i am and where i am in this lifetime.

i just found the whitest of white hair on my head.

now, your first thought is probably- damn, the girl should be grateful she HAS hair on her head at this point. and, yes, you are surely right. but i have to admit i feel a bit jarred by this discovery. looking back, i think i noticed a gray-ish strand a few months ago. a few flicks of my mascara wand, however...

now, this mother that i just saw while brushing mes dents was thick and mean. it said, come near me with that black eyelash crap and i'll make you rue the day! so, i must respect it. perhaps if i don't pluck, if i don't dye, if i just gently caress it and even, heck, love it a little, it won't... you know... multiply.

the pain, the fatigue, the despair- cancer sucks. but finding your first gray hair, now that's trauma.


Anonymous said...

Try finding your first gray at age 13!

Don't worry Erica-- I can either show you how to act distinguished, or how to find some great hair dye.

enid said...

It used to be said that the occasional white hair was an exception, a mistake - some damage to the follicle or other error. With a full head of them I now think it may reflect the interior contents.

Clif said...

I got my first one about 9 years ago. Now I have about 6. Yes, they multiply, but sometimes it's VERY slowly. :)

Anna said...

I have been finding the occasional white hair for quite a while - it is very normal! you've undergone a lot of stress young lady, give yourself a break!

artineh said...

I can't stop cracking up because I JUST found my tenth or eleventh... I'm losing count! I get such joy out of plucking those little suckers that I can't stop doing that despite everyone's advice not to. they say it'll multiply... but it's so fulfilling to see the root, the bulb and feel for a second that it's "out of your hair." Hang in there... dye may soon be our friend.

Joe.Karen said...

i'm sorry for the trauma, but i thank you for the smiles you put on our faces!

Nick said...

I hope you were trying to make me laugh with that post, because you did. Embrace your silver!