Thursday, October 30, 2008

it's an icky, rainy day outside.

It is with heavy hearts that we write the blog this afternoon. Yesterday Erica received the devastating news from her doctors that the chemotherapy did not work. There are 40% blasts in her peripheral blood which indicates that the leukemia is still in her body. Therefore, there is no need to do the bone marrow biopsy as planned.

And it gets worse. The docs have offered her two choices: (1) another round of chemotherapy if she would like to try but aren’t very hopeful that it will work. As always, the numbers aren’t in her favor: less than 10% chance it will work and greater than 90% chance it will mean that she dies in the hospital due to complications and/or infections.

(2) Her other option is to leave Stanford and go home. Home to wait, to figure things out, to try and deal with what lies ahead. One doctor said that she may have 3-4 weeks… another speculates it could be months… we understand that it is really the progression of the disease and we are at its mercy.

Needless to say, she is numb and sad. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers and respect her desire for privacy at this horribly difficult time.

All our love,

Judy, Jaci, & Jamie

164 comments:

Abby Wood said...

What a hard post to write. I'm glad you wrote it, though. You all have so much support coming to you. We all are here when you need us, and we will wait in the wings until Erica wants us around.

In the meantime, we'll keep praying - for peace with whatever E decides and that you'll remain strong for her.

Erica, we love you loads!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this incredibly difficult news. I do not know any of you personally but have kept Erica in my thoughts since I began reading of her journey on this blog. We will pray for continued strength, peace, and courage. We are thinking of you all.

Candace Ryan said...

I pray for peace to you all during this extraordinarily difficult time.

adam said...

I cannot comprehend how you can even process this, but know that you are surrounded by so much love.

Anonymous said...

We love you and know that you will be surrounded by peace and love during this most difficult time.

Love always,
Melissa & David

Katie Windle said...

This is a blog I never expected you to have to write. We are with you during this incredibly difficult time. Erica, sweetie, we love you so much. I hope you can feel it!

Anonymous said...

Sending all my thoughts and prayers to you...

Anonymous said...

Sending you many, many prayers and hope. I don't know if you are a woman of faith, Erica but, if you are, know that our God loves you more than you can even fathom and cares for you more than you can imagine. He knows your every thought, fears, hurts.....all of it. Lean on Him during this time. Continuing to pray.

Rachel said...

All of my love.

Anonymous said...

Sending love to you and your family.

Matt

Anonymous said...

Erica...Started following your story after the Occidental Magazine article (I'm class of '84) I think it must be amazing to be in your family or one of your friends. You are a spectacular soul and your story is not finished. Spit in the eye of prognosis and keep heart...Holly

** SAVE MICHELLE ** said...

I believe in you Erica.

Love,
Michelle

Samina said...

My heart is aching so much for all of you. Erica has fought so hard to keep this from happening ... but as you said, we are at the mercy of the disease. I am numb and sad too. As much love and energy that can possibly be sent is flowing to you, Erica, Jaci and Judy. We are all with you, and ready to be there at a moments notice if and when you feel it is appropriate. We love you so much.

always,
samina

Anonymous said...

Erica ~ I have been following your blog and praying for you. No pretty words to describe it -- This Sucks! I know so much positive energy, love and prayers are going to continue being sent to you from every direction. Hope you can feel it and hold it close.

Ms. Schrepfer said...

I love you Erica.

Red Kate

Avital and said...

i honestly don't know how you wrote that post. i'm numb. i wish i was there.

i love you.

Colombia said...

I am sending all my positive thoughts and prayers.
My students and I were writing you cards the other day and I don't think they all understood. One wrote that you should not play with fire and another wrote that he wanted new shoes and a shirt:)
Just know we are all thinking of you down here in Colombia.

Annie - Steven's mom said...

Dear Erica and family
This is just horrible news - I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this situation. It's just not the way life should be.......
I wish you a gentle journey, Erica.
With love and light and a really big hug
Annie
Steven's mom

Stacy said...

Erica, we have never met but I have followed your blog since finding you as a fellow "face of hope" on A3M's website. You are an inspiration and I am thankful that you are sharing your journey on this blog. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Naomi said...

Erica, no matter what, your story and your advocacy work lives on.

I promise it will be as inspiring, reflective, witty and loving as you are. I am inspired by you, and strive to give and surround myself with as much love as you do.

Amelia said...

Erica, we met last fall on a Fletcher trip to dim sum with the Asia club, and I have since followed your story through this blog and through Fletcher folks. What has amazed me is how full of life, love, and humor you have remained throughout this illness. And how beautiful your writing is. And how you so clearly bring light to everyone around you. What a gift and an inspiration you are.

Anonymous said...

Sending you love and peace. I am praying for you.

artineh said...

I am numb and sad too. Erica, I love you and miss you. Waiting in the wings... if you need anything or when it's OK to come and visit, please let me know.

Judy and Jaci, I'm thinking of you.

Laura Zusman said...

Erica, we are all sending our love to you. And we are hoping and praying for your recovery.

Anonymous said...

Erica, you don't know me but I thank you for sharing so much of you with the world. You have made us all better people by giving us the chance to know such a beautiful soul. My wish is that you feel all the peace and love that is being sent your way.

Eana said...

Hi Erica,
I'm so sorry to read this post. I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and that I miss your smiling face. I hope you know how much you've touched the people you've met.
A huge hug. xoxo

Anonymous said...

I believe in you, and you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Erica. Stay strong!
-A fellow Oxy Tiger

nique said...

erica- we never met at Fletcher, but we're classmates. my uncle has CLL and I've been by his side much of the past year at dana farber. He is my idol, a guiding role model of strength and willpower in my life. I've watched as his battle has utterly sapped him. Your fortitude, as well as that of your family, is awe inspiring. i will hold you and your wonderful family close in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Sending you all the peace, love, and hope I can muster. Please know that many, many folks here at Oxy are thinking of you all, and praying for you.

Charlotte Taylor said...

Thank you for sharing the hard news. I am sending good thoughts and prayers for Erica and her loved ones from Dubai.

Much love,
Charlotte

Anonymous said...

Erica, we all love you and are rooting for you!!

Erik said...

Erica, there are no words. Love you.

Nancy said...

Sending all my thoughts and prayers. love, nancy

Anonymous said...

Erica, sending you warmth, peace and love. Please know that you have an entire world of people supporting whatever decision you make. You are amazing and inspiring.

jamie martin said...

Erica,
I hope you know how many lives you touch. We haven't been in touch since A-100 three years ago, but I have been reading your blog faithfully and thinking of you often. I am humbled to know someone as courageous, funny, and lovely as you. As devasting as this news is, I believe in you and wish you the best. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Jamie

christina said...

Sending love, thoughts and prayers your way, Erica.

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica, we are so sad to read this post as you have put up one hell of a fight and we hope and pray for your recovery that you so richly deserve. You are such a beautiful soul with a beautiful smile who has taught us all so much. BIG LOVE, HUGS & PEACE to you and your WONDERFUL family at this difficult time, Claire and Bonnie xx

Sean Nelson said...

I pray for peace to you and your amazing family. You are such a source of inspritration and courage. Keep the faith.

Priyanka said...

jaci,

much love to your family. will keep you in my thoughts

Addie said...

Oh Miss E, what difficult news. My prayers are intensifying and I send all my love and support.

Anonymous said...

You are loved and there are so many more people than you realize who are pulling for you and saddened by this news. Whatever choice you make, I hope you make it with peace and strength, and the knowledge that you were sent to this earth for a reason. We learned so much from your blog and your struggle. And all the new bone marrow donors on the registry because of you will save lives of countless people. Thank you.

Hailey said...

Sending you all of my love, Erica.

Anonymous said...

Erica,
You don't know me but I have been following your blog. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May you find the strength to smile and face this challenge with the courage you have already demonstrated in your fight thus far. My thoughts are with you and your family. God bless you.

Hopers said...

Erica, there are no words. My thoughts and hopes are with you. I just wish that there was something that I could do.

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,

I am so sorry.

I just hope that you never for one moment feel alone, today and every day to come, because so many people have been and are always thinking of you and sending you love and strength and hope.

From your friends and fans around the world,

Sara
(Israel)

Joe.Karen said...

Praying, praying, praying for all of you... especially Erica. You're my hero.

Love,
Karen

Jim Tranquada said...

Erica: All of your colleagues and friends at Occidental are thinking about you, and praying hard. Jim T.

Anonymous said...

Erica, you are constantly in my heart and in my thoughts as the most inspiring, admirable, loving and loved personality, and there's just no space to absorb such terrifying news. ERICA, Judy, Jaci, Andres, Jamie - much love and strength is being sent your way from around the globe.
Love you very much.
Gioia

Kimberly said...

Erica,

I sat here trying to think of a million things to say...and all I could come up with was sadness and love. I am grateful and proud to find myself (and Mando and Max) on a very long list of people who love you. Thank you for giving us that opportunity. Please do not hesitate to call if there is some way in which we can offer our help.

xoxo and peace,
Kimberly

erinpelton said...

Erica, even though our time in A-100 was brief, I have never forgotten your warmth and kindness. I have followed your journey closely through this blog and I have you in my thoughts each day. You have enriched so many lives with your strength of spirit and gentle resolve. You are a true inspiration, Erica. Never forget that you have touched us all.

Tdbprincess125 said...

I don't know what words can help now, but please know that I am praying for you and I will recruit as many people as I can to do the same. Erica you are a wonderfully beautiful woman, and the strongest person I have ever met. I still have faith that you can overcome this. I understand your need for privacy, but if decide you want any visitors please let me know and I will drive up because I would love to see you. Please be strong. You can fight this. Love you.

Tracy

Anonymous said...

thinking of you during this horrible time...

Katrina said...

Sweetheart, I don't know what to say. Adam told me about this latest update today. I'm gently holding you and Jaci and your mom in my heart. With love,
Katie

KatieG said...

Erica and friends,

I hope that the love coming from your extended network of friends and family lifts your spirits at least a little bit. We are all pulling for you, you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

A big hug, Katie (Medlen) Goodwin

Anonymous said...

Erica, you are the bravest person I've ever known. Our thoughts and prayers are always with you.

Angeli said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Erica said...

Hey Erica,
If we all had any say in this, you know that you wouldn't have to go through this. We would hold an "Erica referendum" and we'd all cast our ballots, and you would be fixed without any pain and in no time flat. There are just that many people out there who love you and admire you and want you to be well. That's how special you are. In a more just world, the sheer volume of our love and regard for you would fix you instantly.
I am heartbroken that we don't live in that world. But as you make your decision, please think about all the unbelievable love pouring your way and feel a little better.
Love,
Erica 2

Anonymous said...

Erica,
Love you and praying for you through tears.
Carisa

Cristiana said...

Dear Erica,I am a Fletcherite, but we haven't met.I followed your battle and just wanted to tell you : YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! To battle this with so much dignity, humor and good heart is a gift and an inspiration that makes all of us humble. I have learned so much from you and reflected a lot to the time when my mother had to go through this painful fight. Stay as strong as you can, keep smiling and think about the light that you are for so many people!! With all the love and prayers pouring from all over the world, I pray God to make a miracle with you. I send all my positive thoughts and love. You will raise above this; Yes, you can!

Abdul said...

Erica,

I just got the news today so I made sure I said a prayer for you while at the mosque. Just remember that all will be well when you have faith in the Almighty.

Keep the faith and always believe that you shall overcome.

Abdul

June said...

Love and hugs to you, Erica - and to Mom and Jaci.

June and George

Anonymous said...

Terrible news, I don't have words other than we'll be praying for you, Jaci and Judy...you've been in my thoughts constantly...love you girls. If you're up for a visit I'll be there at the drop of a hat.
Cass

Charles Sellers said...

Erica, I'm so sorry to hear about this turn of events. We haven't talked much since A-100, but I've been pulling for you and laughing and smiling at so many of your posts in this blog. You are in my thoughts and prayers now. You are an incredible example to all of us, and just a wonderful person.

Love,
Charles

Joyce said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We love you so very much.

Uncle Jimmy, Auntie Margaret, Grace, Joyce and Kent

Anita said...

Erica:
One day a brilliant star sent her rays of light my way and placed her hand in mine. We walked the garden of friendship together sharing a brief earth connection in time. She opened my eyes to radiant beauty and scored my soul with a smile that transcends space or distance. Our bond of connection proved indelible, our true spirits entwined.

I am so grateful that you joyously choose to share your brilliant star with me. Thank you for your kindness, beauty, radiance, love, spirit, bond, and soul.

Please allow me to walk beside you this time as I continue to pray for your healing.

I love you.
Anita

Anonymous said...

Erica, there are many of us on the Fletcher staff who have followed your news through the blog. I know I'm not speaking only for myself when I say how sorry I am to read this most recent post. It seems like only yesterday that you were managing a Fletcher courseload, your chemo, volunteering in the school, and performing in culture nights. Your strength is inspiring!

We'll be thinking of you, and wish peace to you and your family and friends.

Jessica (admissions)

Anonymous said...

my prayers go out to you and your family. Your sister has such great strength, I admire that. Stay strong and continue to have faith.

*i don't know either of you personally but i saw the PR clip on youtube for the bonemarrow reg. It's an amazing ability...to make light out of darkness. simply beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Erica,
We've never met but share a mutual acquaintance who steered me over to your blog early this year. You've been in my thoughts often and I've been inspired by your strength. Please know that there are a oodles of strangers who care about you!

Susan said...

My thoughts, sympathy, and prayer to you, Erica. I have never met you and only heard of you through another blog (Project Michelle), but from what I understand, you have given strength and inspired others, and made a big impact on others. You're very loved.

I hope the best for you.

Young Yuk said...

Hi Erica and crew, I'm a friend of Michelle Maykin. I've been following your story. I got very sad to hear the latest news. Hoping for the best. -Young

Anonymous said...

Erica, I'm thinking of you during this difficult time and hoping for only the best.

Hallie

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers for today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the days ahead.
Shalom,
June C.

Anonymous said...

Wishing you strength, courage, and peace.

-Oxy 2002 grad

Van said...

Erica,

You're in our thoughts. We're rooting for you over here. Stay strong.

Van

Susan said...

Erica, it has been such an honor and a blessing to get to know you and your family over the past year. Your spirit, courage and loving soul have been inspiring. You have truly inspired me to try to be a better person and changed my perspective about life. I believe in miracles and can't think of anyone I've ever met that is more deserving of one than you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you also for taking such good care of Cathy and being her special friend. Jaci, Judy and Andres - love you guys too. Please let me and my family know if you need anything at all. xxoo

Clif said...

We love you.

Camilla said...

Erica,

You are in my thoughts and in my heart.

- Camilla

Jon said...

Erica, as always, you and the fam are in my thoughts and prayers.

With all my love,

Jon

Debbie Conley said...

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere...Psalm 84:10. News like this is never easy. May the God of grace and mercy and His Son Jesus Christ give you peace and comfort in this time. Know that He hears us when we cry out to Him. You are being prayed for. Love, Debbie...the mom of a friend of a friend.

Amirah said...

Erica,
Its been over 13 years since I last saw you but I remember your smile. The same beautiful smile you wear throughout your journey. I am humbled by your strength and drive. I pray for you and your family. I thank you for showing us all how to hold our heads high and FIGHT!
Amirah

Anonymous said...

No words...just love and cookies for all.
I love you Erica.
-gab

Anonymous said...

Erica-

We are all thinking of you at Fletcher. Stay strong from the entire Fletcher class of 2009.

We all miss you-

Nancy said...

Dear Erica, I've already posted a comment but have been thinking long and hard about your situation. As a fellow transplant patient, I'm going to say it... NEVER GIVE UP!!! It is possible for you to go to Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center in Washington for an opinion? If I were in your shoes, that's what I would do. They do so much research and have many clinical trials. There are still possibilities... Please consider it. I won't push the issue because I totally respect your privacy during this difficult time. But I just felt that I needed to let you know what was in my heart. I visited "The Hutch" so contact me if you want to talk about it. You are loved by so many and have been a great source of strength and inspiration to all of us. THank you for sharing your journey with us through your blog. With warm loving thoughts and respect, nancy

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,

Your great writing here has been an inspiration, and I want to say how grateful I am for the memory of having once met you.

Love and good wishes,

JP

tjs said...

Dear Erica and family,

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Anonymous said...

Erica,
I am a Fletcher grad who heard about you and your blog through a classmate. I think of you often, and marvel at your strength and humor through such a difficult situation. I'm so sorry to read this recent post. I am praying for you and sending love from Somerville, MA.
Angie

LEB said...

It's been three days since I read this initial post, and my heart still hurts for you. I was three years behind you at Oxy, and I still remember your kindness to a younger student.

Anonymous said...

Erica,

Though our paths only crossed shortly during our mutual time at Fletcher, I have enjoyed getting to know you during your time in Medford as you have helped in the Admissions office. Even more, it has been amazing to see the kind of warmth and energy you inspire in others. So few people have that gift.

We are all thinking of you and will continue to keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Kristen Z (from Admissions)

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica and family,
Again my heart goes out to you. One year ago my wife and I faced almost an identical position. She'd had an unrelated transplant at Stanford for AML and she was considered cured for two years.
Then it reappeared as AML plus a precursor to ALL. It had a bunch of bad genetic markers.
Her chemos failed last year and her oncologist at Kaiser gave her the same options as you now have although she wasn't dealing with GVHD. She decided to try one last chemo and it didn't work but she was also able to come home after that and remarkably have four months at home.
When I started exploring clinical trials and alternatives her oncologist (who was also a long time friend) stayed involved and advised us what to try and not to try. He said he didn't want to take her hope away. When Fred Hutchison ctr was interested they talked to our oncologist and realized more of the details of the illness through him.
We ended up seeing an alternative cancer doctor in Marin County and Lori took a bunch of things recommended by him. We ran all these things by our Kaiser doc and he OK'd them.
His concern was for her comfort and that she wanted to be comfortable at home.
We had home health care through Kaiser for those four months and went in for transfusions as an outpatient. Although Lori did not make it I'm happy we tried things but within the framework of her being comfortable.
I hope this is helpful and not too much information. You can reach me at mudbowdogwalker@gmail.com if you want.

Matt

Amy said...

Erica: There are no words to describe the effect this news is having on the community of people you have built. We love you and you are in our thoughts each and every minute. Sending peace and strength to you and your family.
Lots of love,
Amy

Jessie said...

I think about you every day, multiple times a day. You've touched my heart and the hearts of many.

My hope is for you is peace of heart, soul, body and mind.

Love Your Oxy/Fletcher Gal,

Jessie

Anonymous said...

This is devestating news that hits all to close to home for me. I have been sending my thoughts and prayers your way since day one and I will continue to do so. Sending peace and love your way...Erin (Crump) Consorti

Anonymous said...

Love and strength to you and your family.

Yesenia

Anonymous said...

This might seem odd but I'm a stranger that has been following your blogs for several months now. Although I don't know you personally, your story has touched me immensely. I started reading your blog after my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in July, because I wanted to help her know what her experience would be like as a cancer patient. I just wanted to let you know that although I don't know you, your story has touched people like me around the world. Stay strong. You'll be in my thoughts.

kellypanderson @gmail.com

Emily said...

i don't even know if my words would bring solace to you at this difficult time, erica, but my positive thoughts are with you and your family. you are surrounded by much love, and you keep up the good fight!

my love, emily

krista said...

we're praying for you and your family, erica. you're an amazing soul and your fight will not be forgotten.

krista & tim lucas

Anonymous said...

Erica, querida amiga, I'm so sad to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. We will be there for you when you need us.
Jaci, Jamie and Mom, may God give you strength in these times.
E, I just wish I could give you some of my good cells... I don't know, just something to make you heal. For now, I will just send all my love, sweetie.

Love you a whole bunch,

Giselle

Anonymous said...

I sit here and pray with everything I have that things will look up and turn around. Stay strong, we are all praying for you with love.

God Bless,
Tori

sarahw said...

Erica,
There are many of us out there, I think, who have been following your story over the past couple of years and have come to know you much more intimately through your blog than we've known you, perhaps, in real life. It is kind of strange to think about, right? How some of us you may not have seen for years and others maybe never even met at all. But through your sharing of your life, your thoughts, your struggle, there exists now this sort of lopsided intimacy: you are a part of our lives. We think of you; you weigh on our hearts. Though you may not know us at all. And I worry suddenly, about this imbalance. I worry and try to trust that you can somehow know it and feel it fully: this great well of love and hope, cultivated by your generosity in sharing your life, that we are sending your way.

love,
Sarah (Marie's friend)

Anonymous said...

Erica... "Believe." You know the facts as stated by physicians, but for whatever it's worth, believe in yourself. Accept the facts, but never lose your hope. I continue to send you positive vibes to help you on this journey. You are such an amazing human being. I am so grateful to know you by your written word. Thank you for reminding me that bright lights may dim but never go out.
Wendy

Erika said...

Erica,
I have looked up to you are a role model and inspiration ever since we lived in 1601. I think you are an amazing person, you are gifted, beautiful, loving, talented, and so smart. I wish I could take this all away for you. I respect your wish for time alone. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. I love you and am sending love, positive energy, hope, and support to you. As many others have said, I am here when you need. Love, Erika

Anonymous said...

Erica,
I have never met you, but I have learned so much from you. Please stay strong and continue to have faith. Knowing that there are so many people who love and care about you. I pray for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,

You and your loved ones are so strong. I've followed your blog since seeing your bone marrow donor video--thank you for the attention you've brought to the cause and for doing it with such joy.

And I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday when Obama gives his acceptance speech. =)

Sending you hope and peace,

Katherine

Anonymous said...

Erica, Jaci and Judy,
In my little way, in my little corner of the world, you are in my thoughts every day. I'm wishing you, hoping you a miracle because you and your lovely sister and mother who've met only through this blog, deserve a miracle.

Love,
Corinne

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,

We've never met--although we're separated by only a couple of degrees. I am writing to say that, by facing life with grace and courage, you make the world a better place. We all learn from your example. My heart breaks for you, your mother, sister, and the many who love you. May you all find peace in the days to come. Barbara

Anonymous said...

Erica,

Your vibrant spirit is amazing and I wish you continued peace, love and strength for you and your family.

L

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking about you and your family since I heard the news on Friday. Please let us know if you need anything.

Marifin

Anonymous said...

Erica,

Our thoughts are with you. Please let us know if we can do anything for you -- even just a chat. You have been my source of energy and inspiration since my diagnosis so please keep fighting. Best wishes.

Kenji and Hannah

Anonymous said...

Erica,
You are on my mind and in my thoughts everyday. Love you

Anonymous said...

Erica,

I often say the following to my daughters:

"You are my starshine, moonshine and sunshine. Thank you for keeping my world so bright!"

The same goes to you, dear friend. Please know how much light and joy you bring to our worlds! Thinking of you constantly and wishing you much strength, peace and love.

Love, Miki

Anonymous said...

Erica, I've followed your blog for the last few months after another Oxy alum pointed it out. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but I bought a marrow donor kit yesterday and, with any luck, will be able to help someone in your position.

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,
I've been trying to think of what to say since I read this devastating news. I still don't know. We are all holding you and your family in our hearts and wishing you peace and strength.
Love,
Dana and John Fiore

Anonymous said...

Erica,

I don't know you but I was referred to your blog through a friend. You are an inspiration and have made me look at the world in such a different way. Words cannot describe how much your strength, courage, and selflessness has affected me. You are in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

What Cancer Cannot Do....
It cannot invade your soul, suppress memories, kill friendship, destroy peace, conquer the spirit, shatter hope, cripple love, corrode faith, steal eternal life, silence courage.

You are being prayed for everyday.

Sarah said...

My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult and personal time. I can't imagine anyone handling this journey with more grace or courage than you have.

Sarah (Drags)

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have never met you, but know that our team is thinking of you and hope that you have immense amount of peace during this difficult time. You have an incredible spirit that is expressed so well in your writing. thank you for sharing your story.

Andrea said...

Erica, I read your blog a long time ago and just revisited it and caught up with all the previous posts. You are a strong, brilliant, and inspiring woman. I'm so impressed by your writing abilities, your thoughtfulness, and your perspective on everything. I am embarrassed when I compare myself to you.

I don't know you, but if I know anything it's that you clearly and undeniably never give up. Know that some stranger is thinking about you in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Amy Sheng said...

Dear Erica,

I heard about your blog through Ivan and have been following your journey ever since. Reading about your fight against cancer has given me such perspective on life. I work on a hematology analyzer that helps techs perform blood differentials to diagnose blood cancers. It's a complex device that I've been working on for several years now and every day, it's a struggle as we have to teach a computer to recognize different abnormal white blood cells that are easily confused with normal cells. Since I'm usually in a corporate environment and not in a cancer hospital, I often forget why devices like ours are so important. Reading about your experiences reminds me why my job is important and meaningful. And it reminds me that no matter how hard it is to teach a computer to distinguish promyelocytes and metamyelocytes, our jobs in making this product work are infinitely easier than your job battling the disease.

We've never met, but I'd like to think that we'd be great friends. I too am a fellow Californian (Bay Area), I'm Chinese (ABC), I love to read and travel and sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had majored in International Relations and studied at the Kennedy School or Fletcher.

Life is often inexplicable, and I think this is one of those times. I believe that much can be said of a person's character based on how she responds to unexpected things that pop up in life. You have approached your challenges with such spirit and courage, and I deeply admire that.

Thinking of you in Boston,

Amy

Anonymous said...

Erica,

I want to let you know that I've been reading your blog and thinking of you a lot over the last couple years. I have to say you are a terrific writer, and quite entertaining.


Corrine McAlister

katherine said...

Oh my gosh...My thoughts are with all of you (Erica, Judy, Jaci, Jamie) during this extremely difficult time.

Big hugs and much love,
kathy

Spenx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spenx said...

Have been checking these updates for a while now and this most recent one is just a sheer and total stomach-punch moment. I can think of nothing else to say but that I am truly sorry for this turn of events... BUT it's just a setback. That is all. I have faith "E", as her friends call her, will fight the good fight and persevere. I mean, she's beaten it once so it's time to take it back out behind the woodshed and beat it again, fo sho!
I've only seen a close childhood friend battle leukemia so I cannot possibly imagine the toll it takes on a family. My continued, sincere, and honest prayers go to Erica, Jaci, and the rest of the family - I'll try to get a few more people to do the same thing. Stay strong, keep the hope alive, and go take a trip to see some Mongolian sunrises or Brazilian favelas. You mentioned those earlier and now I want to do all that!
And re: the post title - just remember the best line from Crow: It can't rain all the time...

Spencer

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,
I was never lucky enough to meet you in person, but we were at Fletcher together for one short semester, and of course I have heard all about you and been following your blog and struggle over the years.
So many of us are going through life trying so hard to do something useful; to 'leave a trace'. You have already managed that - you have inspired people; made people love you who have never even met you just through the force of your words, the humour you have shown in the face of this enormous - and enormously unfair - battle, and the persistence with which you have refused to let it get you down. I am wishing you strength and courage for the decision you have to make and thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to be such an inspiration.
Thinking of you from Germany,
Conniexxx

Nick said...

Erica,

You are still amazing despite any prognosis. You are still an inspiration to me every day. All my thoughts and love are with you today.

Anonymous said...

Like so many people who have commented, I don't know you personally but I have been touched by your spirit that shines through this blog. Your ability to inspire so many people is truly miraculous!
May all of your prayers be answered throughout this difficult time. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Erica--

My thoughts and prayers are with you! I loved your song and am so touched by your courage to fight on! May you and your family be strengthened and comforted with God's love during this struggle!

Heidi Bass '87
Oxy BOG - '02-'06

Anonymous said...

Erica-
Sending much love and warmth to you and your family.
love,
Doreen, Whitney, Kendra, Elyse

Anonymous said...

Erica, I've been reading your blog and thinking of you and praying for you every day. Much, much love to you!

Anonymous said...

Hi Erica,

I didn't know you while I was at Oxy, but I heard about your blog through a friend of mine when you went through your first bout of leukemia. I am so sorry to read this blog - I keep checking back hoping there will be some sort of answer or miracle cure. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers everyday.

Stacey Camp (Chambers)
Oxy 2002

Anonymous said...

Erica I don't know you but I have been praying for you! Please stay strong. I hope and pray that God will give you a miracle! You are such a beautiful and inspiring young woman.

Chris said...

Erica, Jaci...

I apologize for this being late, but the news has had me in shock. I am truly sorry for what you are having to go through, but please don't give up. Fight for the hope of a better life and a brighter future.

Please push you doctors to expend every option and when they have then force them to consult others at other institutes. Fred Hutch at Seattle is very near you and I have read several cases where second transplants have been achieved even with failed re-induction chemo. Please don't give up!

Me and Ann are pulling very hard for you with the warmest and biggest parts of our hearts.

Chris and Ann

Anonymous said...

Erica and family-

It is with a sinking heart that I read this news. I am sending all my thoughts, prayers and love to you. You are a remarkable woman with a remarkable family. thank you for touching so many lives.

susan banki

Anonymous said...

Well congratulations dear Erica. I am sure the outcome of the presidental election has you smiling just a bit. As Jaci well knows my sympathies lie with the other camp this morning but to know this election brought a smile to you means so much more. I know you are a dedicated and devoted supporter. So many comments, so much love and so much pain. Please keep fighting, you have to see how he does...
love to you all and many prayers...
robbin bobbin

sue said...

The world is a better place because of people like you...I pray my daughters embrace their lives as richly and fully as you have and continue to do...much love & many, many prayers. Sue & family

Anonymous said...

Obama! Progress! Hope!
prevails! :) --gab

Anonymous said...

Erica,

I have been following your blog and had such hopes that this trial would come to pass and that you would emerge as a fierce warrior woman. Your energy and spirit is inspirational. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Nora

Anonymous said...

Love, love, and more love go out to you Erica! What an incredible woman you are! Wish I could give you a great big hug. . .

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,
I'm another person who has been following your blog and your fight-- was referred to your site some months ago from another Tufts student. You are an incredibly strong person, and it's amazing that throughout the past few years, you have been able to keep your sense of humor often enough, think of others, be fun-loving, and take advantage of all you have. I hope that everything goes in the best way possible. Lots of love.

Kenzie said...

Just want to send you a big hug and lots of love! You are such an inspiration! Stay strong and keep fighting! We need you and more people like you on this earth!

valerie reynaga said...

I wanted to let you know that you and your loved ones are and have been in my thoughts and prayers. You are so strong and you inspire.

Dutchellene said...

I learned about this blog from reading it in the newspaper TA NEA in Greece.

There are not many words that can be said under these circumstances.

Having had to deal with it myself (through my late son's ordeal) i know that the best support is the present of people who talk little and do a lot.

Erica, and family and friends, whatever the decision may be, it will be the right one.

Life comes and goes for each of us in a different way. Where we go after life is the reward that we earn.
Be strong, enjoy your days. Love is what binds us, in this world and the next one.

I embrace you with all my heart.

Dutchellene said...

I learned about this blog from reading it in the newspaper TA NEA in Greece.

There are not many words that can be said under these circumstances.

Having had to deal with it myself (through my late son's ordeal) i know that the best support is the present of people who talk little and do a lot.

Erica, and family and friends, whatever the decision may be, it will be the right one.

Life comes and goes for each of us in a different way. Where we go after life is the reward that we earn.
Be strong, enjoy your days. Love is what binds us, in this world and the next one.

I embrace you with all my heart.

Anonymous said...

Erica, Jaci and Judy,

you are wonderful persons.
I am thinking about you and hope you can feel my love and the love of the many people who like me have been touched and learned so much from your strenght, your energy, and your positive attitude.

A huge hug!
Margherita

P. said...

Oh Erica ~ I so miss your voice on this blog. Love ya lots!
P.

Anonymous said...

I know there is nothing that I can say or do to make this extremely difficult decision easier, but know that I think of you every day and pray that you and your family have the strength to make the decision that is best for you. You continue to inspire many people.

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog since I came across your Erica's profile on the AADP website. I can not imagine how difficult things must seem at this juncture, but I hope you find comfort and strength in all the love that is transmitted to you by so many!

Georg, Stephanie & Liam said...

We love you Erica! At this time, I hope that you can center on your breath, focus on the love around you and embrace the uncertainty of this journey with peace at your side. I don't know you personally, but I feel like I do because how genuine and honest you and your family have been through this blog. thank you for letting us know you on this level, and for being an inspiration to us when times you may not have planned to be. You're precious and I think of you often!
WuCrew

Sarah said...

Dear Erica, I went to Oxy with you. I remember you welcoming during O-week. Thank you. I've been following your blog and I'm in awe of you--your strength, humor, and wisdom. I'm sending you my love and positive energy. Love, Sarah Pope

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica and Family,

I too am one of those people who have followed this blog by chance......working on a 30th class reunion with a friend from Boston............he training runners for "Teams in Training" for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and me, a small town volunteer for Relay for Life in Buckhannon, WV. He sent me a link to his events which also sent me a link to you............first which I went to because my maiden name is Murray and secondly because I was drawn to everything about you Erica.

I have followed every day, every month, and every year that you have allowed us into your life. For that I feel grateful. I know I speak for thousands who feel they know you personally, and feel cheated that we do not. I have never met a person with your strength, fortitude, knowledge, beauty, and most of all the keen sense of making anyone reading your blogs feel so much love for a person we will probably never meet.

For me and others, you make this world a much better place. I am a better person for knowing you through what I believe is a "chance meeting."

I pray for you and believe that life on this earth is so short for all of us...............no matter the years or experiences.......but I believe you are such a wonderful teacher...........we need you here with us to teach us more.

Sincerely and with all the love in the world,

Kelly

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica, you don't know me but I have been following your blog for over a year. My sister & I (both Chinese/English) joined the donor registry hoping to be a match for you, but I guess we were not. You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. My heart aches for you at this latest news. I pray that God gives you comfort & peace during this difficult time.

Jennifer

Anonymous said...

With each day, we continue to pray for peace. I hope you can feel the love that is coming to you. You have touched so many lives by sharing your own with us.

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica,Judy, Jaci, And Jami, There are no words to help you in such a tough time. Tracy and I think of you daily and our positive energy is sent your way. You are loved by many and all of you are admired for the strength you have shown through this ordeal. May peace be with your family and take solace in the wonderful memories of healthier times. Deborah and Tracy Baca

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica, family and friends
I continue to think of you and pray for you.
love,
Matt

Anonymous said...

Erica,
I also want to thank-you for taking the time to share so much of your journey with us. It really has had a profound impact on our lives. If all of us that love you join hands I am sure we can build a staircase to heaven - just don't be in hurry to use it - we need you here!

Love, Lil

(Cassandra and Christina Prell's mom)

mercy said...

hey erica all i can say is ever since i have known you, you have been very strong. Keep up the smiles and your in my prayers.

Mercy

Anonymous said...

Dear Erica:

I am a 2004 Occidental alum and started to follow you blog recently...and was shocked to hear of this latest setback. I wish I knew what to say to make the pain and sadness disappear. You, of all people, have never lost courage despite all you've experienced...and I know you won't now. Thinking of you, Nikolay

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to worry because the blog hasn't been updated in so long. Jaci and Jamie, is Erica okay?

Anonymous said...

We just heard about Erica's fight. You are on our thoughts and prayers.

With love,

Aaron, Amy, Moira, and Soren Rogers

Anonymous said...

Yes, how is Erica doing? Keeping you all, but especially Erica, in our thoughts and prayers! You are the biggest fighter out there, Erica and there is still hope!! Praying and pulling for you!

Abby Wood said...

Anonymous, she's OK. I just think no one has had the inclination to post lately, as their minds are on other things. I'm sure they appreciate your concern and will post when they can. These messages of support are so nice. It makes me realize how spread out Erica's support network is.

Anonymous said...

Abby ~ Thank you so much for posting an update. Many of us don't even know Erica except through this site, but she has crept into our hearts and we are all so concerned for Erica and her family and friends. Still praying and sending positive thoughts!
P.

Anonymous said...

My heart is broken for all of you tonight - I hadn't checked the site in a few weeks and, though I don't know you personally or your situation beyond what you share on the, I just held out so much HOPE!!!! To read that medicine is out of options, I am numb for you tonight. But I still do hold out hope -- you taught us to do that through your incredible courage on this site and in the Oxy article (where I came to "know" you). My hope is for peace, love, courage, and TIME for all of your family together.
All my best thoughts and prayers,
Lindsay

Nicole said...

Erica,

You are in our thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. May you be surrounded peace, strength and hope, as you are obviously surrounded by an inifinite amount of love. You truly are a remarkable individual who is respected and admired by so many.